Vindicated
by Sadazen
Summary: A lot can happen in one night. [Schu x Ran, Songfic]


**Disclaimer: **Weiss Kreuz and the characters therein, not mine. "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional, not mine. This fic, mine. Do read on, and enjoy.

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**Vindicated**

_Sooner or later, everyone leaves._

The bar was derelict and dim, the air thick with a permanent stench of beer and cigarette smoke and silent lamentations that filled his head almost to the point of bursting. Only a few people occupied the tables that were scattered across the room, but their thoughts were raucous and almost painful to listen to. So much so that he wondered why he continued to come here every night.

Maybe it was because the grating of their thoughts with his kept him sure that some of the pain, at least, was his own.

Then again, maybe he just liked the ambience. Hah.

_**Hope dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption  
Winding in and winding out  
The shine of it has caught my eye**_

It was the same crowd tonight. The man who lost his wife sitting at the table in the corner, the sad-eyed boy of barely seventeen, the sour-faced bartender cleaning glasses, and the singer in the red dress whose eyes were just a little too bright, her smile just a little too blissful to be real in a place like this.

She must have been quite the beauty once, he fancied, and she still had a voice. He would have wondered what could have happened for her to end up so far down, but he didn't need to. He knew. Just as he knew the tragedies that followed everyone as they entered and even as they left, much to their disappointment.

Perhaps he even knew _them, _after a fashion, and they him. It wasn't an unpleasant thought. It proved to Schuldig that his one-sided understanding of everyone he encountered was perhaps not quite as one-sided as he thought.

It was a far shot, true, but there was nothing wrong with a little hope. He could afford that now that his glory days as an assassin of Schwarz were over; never mind that it was false in itself. No one cared enough to even want to know.

The door swung open.

He didn't recognize the newcomer at first. There was something obscurely familiar about the man's stride, in the way he held his head, that seemed to stir a distant recollection just out of his reach. Then it hit him right between the eyes, and it was like a piece of his past had walked right out of his memory and into his line of sight again.

Ran.

_**And roped me in  
So mesmerized and I'm so hypnotized  
And I am vindicated**_

If Ran had recognized him in turn, he didn't show it. He crossed the room to the counter, to the sour-faced bartender cleaning glasses, and quietly ordered a beer. Settling himself on a bar stool not so very far from Schuldig, he waited.

He looked older now, with his hair grown out and his shoulders slumping and defeated. His face was gaunt in the tarnished light, his eyes dull, making it almost seem that he was merely a ghost, a mirage in the heat haze, and not there at all.

Schuldig knew better however. He could feel him there, but only just. Ran's thoughts were no more alive than anyone else's here, completely devoid of the burning intensity Aya, assassin of Weiss, had possessed. Oh well. Aya was long gone anyway, which was a shame, really, because he'd been fun to play with.

But maybe Ran could help pass the time.

"What's your poison?" he called across the distance between them.

Ran looked up, violet eyes immediately narrowing with a glint of the suspicion. "What are you doing here?"

"Probably the same thing you are."

"Hn."

"How long has it been since I saw you last?"

"…Five years."

"Five years…" He stood, dropping himself into the stool next to Ran's. "So, what's your poison?"

"…What?"

"What's your poison?" He smirked. "Everyone who comes here only comes here because they have something they want to forget. That's what they call it, their poison. And you're no different."

Silence met this statement. Schuldig wasn't sure, but he thought he caught a flash of pain in the other's eyes.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

_**I am vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I know I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along**_

"So what if you are?" Ran lifted his beer to his lips and took a long drink. "It's not as if you don't already know. Isn't messing with people's minds what you do?" There was irritation in his tone, a flash of the old fire. Schuldig gave himself a pat on the back. He was getting somewhere.

He considered this for a while. Very articulate, Ran was. "Maybe it was. But I don't do it all the time, kätzchen. I try to be polite."

"Of course you do."

"Besides, those days are over." This was said almost with regret. Almost. "I'm not here as your enemy, though I could very well mess with your mind. If that's what you want."

The man at his side glared at him. He stared coolly back, careful to keep his mind where it shouldn't be.

After a few seconds of this, Ran lowered his eyes to his beer, taking Schuldig almost by surprise. He seemed weary… resigned to his fate, almost.

"Everyone leaves," he muttered. "Everyone just leaves. All right? That's all."

_**And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself**_

"Do tell."

"Why should I?"

"It kills time. And if you're really lucky it might get so that your misfortune won't follow you out when you leave."

Ran sighed, but he told his tale. He told it plainly and sparingly, leaving nothing out, but adding nothing either.

It was commonplace enough in its way. Weiss had moved on, trying to start anew as best they could. Yohji was the first to go, walked out the door saying he'd found something he always wanted, wishing them good luck. Ken had followed soon after, though not of his own volition. He'd taken his motorbike out one night and never come home, killed in a collision with a drunk student driver. They still missed him.

And Omi? Omi had to go to college, they all knew, but it had taken him a while. He'd kept putting it off, telling them it was all right, that school didn't start for a few months anyway, that he wanted to be there…

Aya wasn't taking "no" for an answer, however. She'd practically shoved him out the door with her placid assurances that she and onii-san would be perfectly fine on their own, and that while they would certainly miss him, he could always visit. And Omi had given in, smiled his winning smile, and bade both of them goodbye.

"_You'll be all right without me, Ran, won't you? Take care of yourselves."_

"_Of course."_

Omi still wrote occasionally. And he'd celebrated Christmas with them a few times, wherein he and Aya had attempted to make the sadly becoming-more-decrepit-every-year Koneko appear festive with old decorations, borrowed lights and carols around the dinner table in the evening.

But Ran said he probably wouldn't be coming this year. He'd found another part-time job at a restaurant, and the Christmas season would be hectic for them. There wouldn't be time.

And besides…

"My sister passed away last year."

_**So clear  
Like the diamond in your ring  
Cut to mirror your intentions  
Oversized and overwhelmed  
The shine of it has caught my eye  
And rendered me so isolated  
I'm so motivated  
I am certain now that**_

"…She'd been sick for a while. The doctor thought it was a relapse, even though her coma was years ago. Her heart just gave out one night; she went peacefully in her sleep." He sighed and drained his beer. "It's the best end I could have wished for her, but it still feels… wrong, somehow. I always thought I'd go first."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"Oh, but I am." And he was, in a way. No matter what Ran thought. "I spent my fair share of time with her, you know. She was a sweet girl."

"You kidnapped her."

"A mere circumstance." The German gestured to the bartender, and a few moments later he had his own full glass in front of him. "You have my condolences, kätzchen, and my sympathy. Fat lot of good they'll do you, too, but they're better than nothing either way, wouldn't you say?"

"I don't need your pity."

"But I'm not offering it. I just want you to know that I understand."

Ran's tone was bitter. "What have you lost, Mastermind? How can you understand?"

The other merely laughed. "One tale for another, then? All right."

_**I am vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I know I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along**_

"It's pretty much the same as yours. We weren't needed anymore, so we were given the chance to try to take our lives in another direction. Brad got his almost immediately, a job offer from a big company back in America. He took it without question; that's always seemed the sort of place for Brad… Left a month later, after all the preparations had been made. Nagi went with him, to study, though I doubt there was much left for him to study at that point. He's always been smart.

"He would have taken Farf and me too, but neither of us wanted to go. I've never been a lover of big cities, and Farf hates traveling. So that was that. They left, and we stayed behind."

There was an edge to his voice now, a little underlying pain that one had to listen well for to catch. Ran frowned, but Schuldig ignored it and went on.

"The first few weeks without them weren't so bad. We went out a lot, just to roam the streets and remember the old days. We stayed in quite a lot too, doing nothing the way we never could when Brad was around. Then one day… Farf left. He just left. I think it was because the claustrophobia got a little harder to bear every day." His typical smirk shifted to an almost rueful smile; he reached for his beer.

"And why didn't I go, you wonder? Well, I don't know myself. A part of me thinks it's just because I didn't want to. Another part thinks it's because maybe one day they'll come back, and they're gonna need someone to welcome them when they do… Then the first part hits it over the head and screams at it to shut up." He chuckled. "There's my tale, kätzchen. Hardly a tragedy, I know, but sometimes it does get a little lonely back home. Even people like me feel that, contrary to what everyone else says."

_**And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself**_

"And you? Do you still work at the Koneko?"

"…The Koneko? No, it closed. Ages ago."

"That's what I thought. Where do you stay now?"

"An apartment not very far from here."

The redhead arched a fine eyebrow. Knowing this district, Ran's living conditions were probably a little less than satisfactory. "Here? How do you support yourself?"

"Yes, here. I've had a couple of jobs on and off, but I never get any sleep anymore so work is hard to keep up."

"…Nightmares?"

"You could say that."

"Ja, that's what I thought."

"Hmm?"

"Oh, interested, are we? Don't skewer me, now. I was only joking. And yes, in response to the question you haven't asked, I do have nightmares. It's not very difficult to get caught up in the dreams of some poor soul all falling to pieces when you've got what I've got. Next thing you know it you're crying out like you've been to Hell and only just managed to get back. It's even more unbearable when you don't have someone to come running in to wake you up like they always have, so I don't sleep much either."

Ran was completely still, his face hard, glaring into his mug. His pain was still raw, as it would be for quite a while. Nothing could take it away so soon. Some things just had to be left alone.

"…I thought I'd forgotten the guilt," he muttered after a pause.

"Shit happens." Schuldig settled a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Look around you, kätzchen. Everyone here is proof of that. They've all got their own heartbreaks, and I could tell you what each one is, but I won't. Not now. They always take a little of what they've lost, though. Wherever they go."

"What's your point?"

"People leave. They always leave, and a lot of the time they don't come back. But no one's ever truly dead or gone until everyone who remembers them is gone too." Taking a napkin and a pen from his pocket, the former Schwarz member began to scribble on it.

"I know it hurts. I know. It'll hurt for a long time. But think about that, and don't ever try to go it alone." He folded up the napkin and pressed it into Ran's hand. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I don't. I don't trust anyone."

"As you should. But here's my address anyway. Drop by if ever you need someone to wake you up in case you have a nightmare, all right? I'm going home. Enjoy the rest of the evening."

_**So turn  
Up the corners of your lips  
Part them and feel my fingertips  
Trace the moment, fall forever  
Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'd be in  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current  
So let me slip away  
(So let me slip away… So let me slip away…)  
So let me slip against the current and let me slip away**_

Schuldig didn't think he'd actually come, but he did. A knock on the door just as he was getting ready for bed, then going to open it to find Ran numb and shivering in the hallway, despite the fact that it was late summer and the air was sickly warm. He held the door open a little wider.

"Hello, Ran. Come in, if you like. Is something wrong?"

"She came to me in my sleep…" Ran mumbled as he shuffled inside and shakily pulled a chair to sit down. "Just… standing there, and looking at me with those sad eyes." A single tear slipped out and ran down his cheek. "…Never told her, you know. About what I did for a living those years when she was in the hospital. Never told her… Thought it was for the best… But… she's haunting me, Schuldig. She's haunting me."

"She is not." The hand came down on his shoulder again, its grip firm and strong. "She is _not."_ Taking him by the wrist, he slowly pulled Ran to his feet. "It was a nightmare, kätzchen. Just a nightmare. It's time to wake up."

_**I am vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I know I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along**_

He could never truly comprehend what happened next whenever he thought on it afterward, the way Ran went into his arms because there was nothing and no one else to hold on to, or the next few grasping, gasping moments that lost them both in a whirlpool of muttered words and gentle touches. And just that one time, he didn't give his own pleasure a second thought. No, he was too busy whispering in Ran's ear, and into his heart, a mantra muffled by the harshness of their breathing and the rustle of the sheets.

"Forgive yourself, Ran. Forgive yourself. You're vindicated."

_**And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself**_

Schuldig was woken a few hours later, when the sky was beginning to pale, by a small voice.

"You didn't leave."

"No, I didn't," he admitted sleepily. "What's wrong? Did she come to you again?"

"No…"

Silence, and then…

"I shouldn't be here."

"I know. Neither should I, really. But we are."

"…What are we guilty of, Schuldig? I don't remember anymore."

"Nothing, mein schatz. Nothing at all. I already told you, you're vindicated."

_And maybe I am, too._

_**Slight hope  
It dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption**_

**Fin**

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**A/N: **(blink blink) Another little spur-of-the-moment thing that I do hope you enjoyed, regardless of its randomness. Thank you kindly for reading, and reviewing if you did, or will. Anything you have to say would be appreciated. :)

Away with me! (poof)


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